7 Essentials for a Healthy Relationship

What is a healthy relationship? Is it one that has no conflict and is always peaceful? Is that even possible? Nope. As long as we are human, there will be conflict. There is no formula for the perfect relationship, but here are some things to consider to help you gauge the health of the connections you have:

1) Freedom – Are you free to be yourself and make your own decisions? Do you allow the other person to be free and make their own decisions without manipulation?

2) Transparency, Honesty, and Vulnerability – Is there honesty in the relationship? This needs to include living authentically and being transparent and vulnerable about the reality of the situations you are in. Denial is detrimental to relationships. I actually believe that good communication is overrated. If you have honesty, transparency, and vulnerability, communication can be terrible but the relationship can still thrive. The opposite is also true: you can have great communication skills, but if there is no honesty, transparency, or true vulnerability, then good communication does nothing.

3) Boundaries – I need to know who I am, and the other person needs to know who they are. We are each responsible to love one another, but we are not responsible for each other. We are responsible for ourselves—our behaviors, thoughts, actions, etc. It is important for each of us to own these things.

4) Mutual Respect – Each person values the other’s perspectives, feelings, and boundaries, even in disagreement.

5) Support and Encouragement – Being “for” each other.

6) Emotional Attunement, Safety, and Delight – Can each person in the relationship express emotions and needs without fear of punishment, ridicule, or manipulation? This also includes finding joy and delight in each other’s presence, flaws and all.

7) Good Conflict Resolution – It’s not about the number of problems, but about how those problems are addressed and whether you are moving toward resolution.

I believe it’s important to slow down and take inventory of our relationships from time to time, gauge their health, and decide who we want to invest our time and energy in. Healthy relationships are both beautiful and nourishing. Jesus modeled what it means to engage in relationships that are rooted in love, respect, and authenticity. Interestingly, neuroscience now affirms what Scripture has long taught: when we experience healthy connections with others, our physical health actually improves. Investing in genuine, safe relationships is essential for  our overall well-being.